


The will

by maanorchidee



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Family Secrets, Future Fic, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-08-24 22:50:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16649350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maanorchidee/pseuds/maanorchidee
Summary: Simon is the Mage’s Heir, which means he inherits the Mage’s fortune and some of his posessions, including a journal. The journal is filled with a lot of stuff, but most noteably, entries about a woman named Lucy Salisbury





	The will

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, wow, this got long.

**SIMON**

After it’s clear that Penny and I haven’t murdered the Mage, some of his Men come to see me. I’ve been living with the Bunces for the past three months, and at first I think Premal is just visiting home, but then some of the other Men appear behind him.

Penny’s mum thinks it’s ridiculous that the Mage’s Men still exist, especially now that the Mage is dead, but the Men are loyal to him still. 

I give them half a year before they fall apart.

But anyway, Premal and some of the Men come to see me. Premal makes himself at home and he serves me and the other Men tea. Penny and Baz (who’s been hanging around a lot) are sent away, despite Penny and Baz’s (mostly Penny’s) loud protests.

“Sister, this is a private matter!” Premal had said.

“I don’t fucking care!” Penny had yelled back. I think she’s still wary of the Men.

In the end, Penny’s mum of all people had sent them upstairs. I don’t blame Penny for being scared of the Men. The charges may have been dropped, but you never know. There will always be people saying that Penny and I killed the Mage.

But to my surprise, Premal starts talking about the Mage’s will. It had never occurred to me that he had a will. I had never thought of him dying. I thought the Mage was invincible.

“Simon, we were not permitted to talk to you during the trial, but now that the Coven has finally admitted that you did nothing wrong, we can finally talk about your inheritance.”

Admitted. It’s a strange choice of words. It seems like the Men don’t blame me after all.

“Shortly after his death, we cleared out his office and his chambers. We knew the Mage had a will. He’d discussed it with the Men before. All the Men get something.” There’s a hint of pride in his face. Premal is more loyal to the Mage than I am. Crowley.

“But as his heir, you obviously inherit most of his fortune and possessions.”

At the word ‘fortune’, something in me snaps. Before Premal can continue talking, I say: “No.”

The Men all look at each other, confused.

“What do you mean by that?” one of them asks me, kindly.

“I don’t want the, or,  _my_ inheritance. Donate it all.” 

I am not ready to be reminded of the fact that I am the Mage’s Heir. I am not ready to be reminded of the Mage. Period. 

“Simon, it’s his last wish,” Premal urges, but I shake my head and the Men all start talking to each other in whispers. It doesn’t matter. I’m not listening.

After a while, Premal clears his throat and I force myself to pay attention. “If that is what you want, Simon, then sure. It is yours to donate, but I ask you to think about it. You don’t have to make a decision now.”

I nod. We drink our tea and we talk about non-Mage topics. (I didn’t know the Men were capable of talking about anything than the Mage.) (But Premal’s been warming up to me.)

When they leave, I am shaking, and Penny and Baz barge into the sitting room, as if they’ve been waiting by the door. They probably have.

“Well? What was that all about?” Penny asks, “Do I need to kick Premal’s arse?”

Baz notices that I’m shaking and he sits next to me so that he can wrap his arms around me. 

“I’m rich.”

They hear the lack of happiness in my voice and Penny sits next to me on the other side. I begin to cry. I’m rich, and I don’t want to be.

* * *

_2 years later_

* * *

**BAZ**

Agatha is the person who notices the envelope stashed in Simon and Penny’s bookcase. She loves Normal books and Simon had lots of them. 

Ever since Agatha reconnected with Simon and Penny and, well, me, she’s been visiting us when possible. It’s Christmas time, so she’s back in the country and we’re all in Simon and Penny’s flat celebrating the holidays.

Agatha is not always here. She hasn’t always been here. For almost a year, she only occasionally texted with Penny before she asked to speak to Simon. She wasn’t here during the trial (in person) or the immediate aftermath. She doesn’t know about the envelope. She doesn’t know it’s part of Simon’s inheritance.

“What is this?” she asks.

Simon’s face immediately hardens. Agatha must’ve noticed, cause she starts apologising, but Penny shakes her head.

“It’s all right, Agatha. It belonged to the Mage.”

At the sound of his name, Agatha puts the envelope back, as if it’s cursed. Maybe it is. It’s been two years and we still don’t know.

“How on Earth did something from that guy end up in your flat?” she asks, aghast. 

Simon sighs. “Maybe it’s time to finally face the demons,” he says and he gets up. Penny and I try to yank him back, but he moves towards the bookcase and he picks up the envelope. Agatha is looking at it with a curious look on her face.

“How?” is all she says.

“As the Mage’s heir, I inherited most of his fortune and his belongings.”

Agatha gasps. I don’t blame her. I still remember what happened two years ago. Penny was so damn angry at the Mage, even in death, for reminding Simon of his existence. 

“Simon, I-”

Simon waves it away. “I sold most of his belongings and I gave some of it to charity. I did keep the fortune, even though I didn’t want it, but I soon realised that I needed it. This, on the other hand, couldn’t be donated or sold. I gave most of the stuff away to Normals and Normal charities, but it’s pretty clear that only people with magic can open the envelope.”

“You… can’t?”

Agatha is still a bit hesitant to point out that Simon has no more magic. I think Simon is used to it by now.

“I can’t,” he confirms, “But Baz and Penny can. They’ve offered to open it for me, but I couldn’t let them. It’s been in this bloody bookcase for two years or so.” He laughs bitterly. We all miss the joke.

Simon sighs again and he walks back to the couch and he drops the envelope in Penny’s lap. I summon my wand. Maybe it is dark magic and now that Simon is powerless, I am the best at defusing dark magic. After all, my family still loves dark magic.

Penny shoots Simon a meaningful look and Simon nods. Agatha has moved closer as well. I show Penny that my wand is ready.

Penny doesn’t hesitate and she rips open the envelope. She frowns when she sees what’s inside.

A leather notebook.

“It’s a book,” Agatha says. Clever girl.

I put some protective spells on it, but it’s pretty clear to me that they are unnecessary. This book is not filled with dark magic. It’s just a leather notebook.

“Why would the Mage have a notebook hidden away in a magickal envelope?” Simon asks and he takes the book from Penny. Simon, the git he is, waves the book around and two photographs and a couple of loose papers fall out of it.

* * *

**AGATHA**

I recognise her immediately. 

Lucy Salisbury.

Simon picks up the two photographs and the loose papers and he frowns when he sees Lucy. 

“Who is this?” he asks.

“The Mage’s girlfriend,” I answer before I can stop myself. All heads turn to me.

“The Mage’s  _what_?” Simon asks.

“How do you know?” Baz seems in shock.

Penny gasps when she realises I’m right. She has never seen the photo of Lucy, the Mage, and her mother, but she must’ve remembered her mother talking about her.

I carefully take the photo from Simon. On the photo, Lucy is full of life. She’s older than in the photograph I have of her. It looks like she’s outside. I see chickens in the background. She’s smiling brightly.

Lucy Salisbury. I’ve never stopped wondering if she’s alive. I still picture her lying in the sand with her hair glowing in the sunlight.

“My mum told us,” Penny answers when I don’t. I am too caught up in the happiness that Lucy radiates. “My mum said that she was best friends with a girl named Lucy. Lucy was the Mage’s girlfriend.”

Penny snatches the photograph out of my grip. I can’t even tell her to be careful.

“She’s beautiful,” Simon says.

“But the Mage wasn’t married,” Baz says, “They must’ve broken up.”

“Mum said she’d ran away. I later heard from my houskeeper Helen that she ran away from magic. She fled to America.”

All eyes are on me again.

“You followed her,” Simon says, the realisation dawning on him.

 _Not necessarily_ , I want to say.  _I didn’t flee to America to find Lucy._  But the similarities are there and you cannot deny it. I did follow Lucy Salisbury’s footsteps and I ran away from magic to America.

So instead I say: “I guess I did.”

“What do we do with this?” Baz asks and he nods towards the notebook.

Simon sighs. (He sighs a lot.) (I still think he’s unhappy.) He picks up the book again and he opens it. He flips through the pages and he reads parts every now and then.

“It’s a journal.”

“Diary.”

“Same difference, Penny.”

“I never saw the Mage as a bloke who keeps a journal,” Baz says. 

Simon flips to the end. “The last entry must’ve been before he died.” He reads something more and suddenly, he throws away the book in disgust.

“What?” Penny immediately asks.

“Destroy it,” Simon says and he has a pained look on his face. I pick up the book and I flip to the last entry as well. When I read it, my insides turn. It’s a very detailed plan about killing Ebb.

I feel like barfing and just like Simon, I throw the book away. I still haven’t visited Ebb’s grave. I can’t.

The worst thing is that she died to save me, because the Mage was going to use me instead for whatever plan he had. Just thinking about it, I feel my eyes watering.

“Okay, I don’t even want to know,” Baz exclaims, “If this fucking book makes two of my friends cry, then it’s gonna die.”

I am too overcome with emotion to point out that Baz has just called me his friend. Baz points his wand towards it and says:  ** _“Into thin air!”_**

Nothing happens.

Penny points her ring towards it and also says:  ** _“Take it away!”_**

Again, nothing happens.

“Are you telling me this fucking book can’t get destroyed?” Penny says and her nostrils flare.

Baz grumbles something and then he looks around. “Guess it has to be done the Normal way.” He points his wand towards the fireplace.  _ **“Some like it hot.”**_

Normally Simon and I would scoff about the waste of magic, but not now. The fire is big and Baz throws the notebook in it.

After a while we all realise that there’s no damage to the book.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Baz groans,  _ **“Make a wish.”**_

The flames die and Baz waits for the book to cool down before he takes it out the fireplace. 

* * *

**PENELOPE**

There are spells that make it impossible to destroy books. I have heard of these kind of spells before. My mother suspects that Aunt Beryl has used it on some of the books in our library. That makes the fact that Aunt Beryl doesn’t want mum to read her work even worse.

But that’s not the point.

In contrary to popular belief, the books are not invincible. They are only temporarily like this. They can only be destroyed after they’re read and to make matters worse, they have to be read by a certain someone.

I turn to Simon, who is curled up in a ball. 

I was there when the Men handed this envelope over to Simon. I remember Premal saying that the will specifically states that this envelope belongs to Simon. Simon still wanted to sell or donate it anyway, but when he found out it’s useless to Normals, he just put it on a shelf in our bookcase.

I feel angry. It’s been over two years. Why can’t the Mage let Simon be free of him? Even in death, his existence (or his past existence) torments Simon.

But Simon has to read the book.

Well, he also can put it back on the shelf and ignore it for the rest of his life, but I know Simon. It will hurt him, but now he can’t help but wonder what’s in it.

Baz is seething. “Why can’t this fucking book be destroyed?” he yells.

He takes a couple of breathes and he tries to relax. I know he’s finally been talking to that therapist. I know it, because so do I. When he’s more at ease, he sits down and he pulls Simon closer.

Agatha falls down on one of our other chairs. She seems sad. I don’t even want to know what’s in that last entry.

I clear my throat and I tell the others what I know.

When I finish, Baz looks stricten. “You’re telling me that the Mage has specifically left this for Simon to read and in order to destroy it, Simon has to read it. All of it?”

Simon whimpers at the thought of it and I want to kill the Mage all over again.

“I am not sure,” I say, “The spell can be for the entire book, but also for certain parts of the book. Unfortunately for us, we don’t know, so in order to be absolutely sure, Simon has to read all of it.”

Baz balls his fist. “I’m going to kill the Mage.”

“Beat you to it,” Simon says. His head is still hidden in his hands, but he seems calmer. Calm enough to make jokes. Really, our therapist is an angel.

For a second, we all laugh because of the absurdity of the situation. 

Simon looks up and Baz asks if there’s something he needs, but Simon shakes his head. He looks at the book lying in our fireplace. “Not today. We’re here to celebrate Christmas. I’m surrounded by people I love. The book will have to wait.”

* * *

**SIMON**

Despite everything, I get a full night of sleep. Maybe it’s because the evening ended on a happy note, with all of us ignoring the Mage’s journal while enjoying the holidays. Maybe it’s because Baz and Agatha stayed the night and Baz is wrapped around me.

I feel good.

A part of me wants to give my therapist a quick call, but it’s 2 am in Chicago. I can wait. I should wait. But now I want to get this over with.

I slowly free from Baz’s grip, which is difficult. (He’s a cuddle monster.) (See, still a monster!).

When I’m finally free, I make my way to the sitting room and I find the book in our fireplace. I’m going to read it.

The others are still asleep, which is understandable, because usually I also sleep in, but now I am curious. I want this book gone. I make a cup of tea in the kitchen and I start reading the journal.

 

***

 

After reading it for a while, I am surprised how calm I am. In fact, the first couple of entries are amusing. The Mage (or Davy) had just started Watford and it’s weird to read about a different kind of Watford. ( _Davy!_ )

I’ve been reading for almost two hours when thing are starting to change. First of all, the Mage’s revolutionary ideas become more apparent. They are no longer just thoughts. The Mage is working them out. He’s making plans. He mentions me, the Chosen One.

Second, a lovely girl named Lucy Salisbury has appeared in his life. 

The entries switch between the Mage being an revolutionary idealist and the Mage being a lovesick puppy. 

But Lucy listens to him. Lucy, in some extent, agrees with him. Slowly, the two kind of entries become one, because not only does Lucy agree with the Mage, but Lucy also starts dating the Mage.

And the Mage is happy.

I am still surprised by how calm I am. Yesterday was crazy. I was not ready to be reminded of the Mage. Don’t get me wrong. I think from all the people in my immediate area, I miss the Mage the most, but my memories of him have all been tied to what happened in the White Chapel. I can’t say he was like a father to me, but he was the first adult who genuinely cared about me, and when you’re an eleven year old orphan, you feel like your life depends on that. After the Mage came the Bunces and the Wellbeloves, and Crowley, to some extent even the Grimm-Pitches, now that I am dating Baz, but the Mage was the first.

In the journal, he’s about to graduate when a door opens.

“Simon?” Baz asks, looking confused. He calls me Simon. I like it. I also like it when he calls me Snow, but him calling me Simon feels special.

“Over here,” I say and I wave.

Baz rubs the sleep out of his eyes and he yawns. He shuffles towards the kitchen and I already put the kettle back on. 

“Bunce and Wellbelove?”

I nod towards Penny’s bedroom. “They’re still asleep. It’s 10 am. Good morning.”

“G’morning,” Baz says and he kisses my cheek. Then he starts raiding our fridge, like he always does. He’s still a bit sleepy. “What’re you doing?”

“I’m reading the Mage’s journal.”

That snaps Baz awake. “You’re what?” he asks in shock and he slams the fridge shut. He stares at the book with disgust and anger.

“I am reading the journal, Baz.”

Baz’s expression changes from angry to worried. “Are you okay? Should you be reading it?” Baz asks.

“I am fine, Baz,” I answer and I mean it. My face must’ve shown, because Baz relaxes a little bit. He’s still a bit cautious, but he sees that I’m okay. “I’ve been reading it for two hours or so. It’s pretty funny, actually.” 

I am not telling Baz about the couple of passages about his mother. They’re quite negative and I disliked reading them. Apart from that, it’s fine.

Baz just nods and he makes himself a cup of tea when the kettle’s ready. I put the notebook away and we have breakfast together. About half an hour later, Penny and Agatha stumble out of bed and we have a joint breakfast. 

Peace. I love it.

* * *

**BAZ**

Simon is absolutely devouring the book. After breakfast, he took the book with him to the sitting room and he hasn’t put it down since. We leave him alone, since we all want the book to be gone as soon as possible, and we all know that only Simon can get rid of it.

That, and because we don’t want to be reminded of the Mage. We know that Simon’s relationship with the Mage is different from ours. Penny and I and our families hate him. He traumatised Agatha.

Simon has been handling it surprisingly well.

I talk to Penny and Agatha. Agatha is gonna head out soon. She’s got her family and she’s meeting a Normal friend named Minty. Who the fuck calls a child Minty?

That’s when I hear Simon cry.

The other must’ve heard it as well, because the three of us leap on our feet and we run towards the sitting room. 

Simon is sitting on the floor, on his knees, and he is sobbing. I rush towards him and I hold him tight.

Penny and Agatha are lost for words.

The notebook is lying open on the ground. There are fresh tear stains on the paper. I can’t figure out if this is happy crying or sad crying. Simon is just crying.

I’ve got one arm around Simon. I use the other one to flip through the notebook. I go back a few pages.

I’m a fast reader. Not only that, but I can easily read the small handwriting from a distance. Being a vampire does have its perks. The Mage has written about the Chosen One again. About Simon Snow.

But then I’m confused. He’s written about his new plan. He and his girlfriend (wife?) Lucy are going to create the most powerful Mage, the Greatest Mage.

I flip some more pages and I read. Luckily, the Mage has not gone into detail about the whole baby making process, because I do not want to know anything about his sex life.

But then I get to the last page. Or at least, the last page Simon was reading.

> _We’ve named him. Lucy is absolutely sure it’s a him. We’re going to have a son! As I’m writing this, I am so happy. Not only will our son be the most powerful Mage in the world, but he will also be raised by us. We’re going to be a family._
> 
> _We named him Simon. Or actually, Lucy named him Simon. She says it’s a good name, a wise name. I don’t really care about that part, but it’s a name. Simon, our son._
> 
> _Simon Snow, she then said. Snow will be his silly middle name. After all, Lucy is named Lucy Winnifred Salisbury. We’re not sure about his last name, though. Lucy doesn’t mind, but I’m afraid everyone will shun a child bearing my name. Lucy, on the other hand, comes from a respected family. The Salisbury family is always seen at parties and clubs. I know how people think of me, but Simon will prove him all wrong. Here he is, the Greatest Mage. Simon Snow Salisbury._

I feel a lump forming in my throat.

“Simon Snow Salisbury,” I say and I can hear Agatha gasp. Simon buries his face in the crook of my neck. “You’re his. And hers. They’re…” I trail off. I am lost for words.

I look over my shoulder and I see Agatha clutching her chest. “Same hair colour. Same face. She’s…” 

Agatha is as lost for words as I am.

Penny blinks a couple of times.  

Simon Snow really in the Mage’s Heir. 

* * *

**AGATHA**

Simon doesn’t want to continue reading. Baz and Penny tried destroying the book, but it didn’t work. Hell, even I tried to destroy it with magic, and I haven’t used magic since I moved to California two years ago, but we were all so desperate to get rid of it.

But the book still exists. The book isn’t done with Simon. The feeling isn’t mutual. Simon and Baz are still sitting on the ground, holding each other, and Simon is staring daggers at the book.

“The book can’t be destroyed yet, Simon,” Penny says, “That doesn’t mean you still have to read it.”

We all shoot her questioning looks.

Penny holds up her hands. “I’m just saying we can shove it back in our bookcase and pretend it never exists. It will never be destroyed, but it will also never be finished.”

“But it will always remind me of _it_ ,” Simon says. He puts so much emphasis on the word ‘it’. He doesn’t want to say where ‘it’ stands for out loud. 

Lucy Salisbury and the Mage are Simon’s biological parents. 

Penny and I read a bit of the journal while Baz was consoling Simon. From what we got, they were all happy. At one point, Simon was born and they were all so happy.

Lucy still ran away.

I think of the photograph I own. I can’t believe I’ve had a photo of Simon’s biological parents in my flat for the past two years. I’ve seen that photo numerous times, and the realisation never hit me. But now it does. I remember the photo. Lucy does look like Simon.

Why did Lucy run away? She loved Simon so much.

I think the answer is in the journal. Penny and I stopped reading at Simon’s birth. Even if we did continue, it wouldn’t have mattered. Simon needs to be the one reading it.

My mobile phone beeps and I know that I should head out. I’m supposed to meet Minty on Trafalgar Square and I still need to get dressed and I need to catch a tube. I feel like I can’t leave.

Penny hears my phone beeping and she tells me it’s okay to leave.

“But Simon-”

“We got him, Agatha,” Penny insists, “You’ve been looking forward to seeing your friend.”

It’s not a great idea to pick a fight with Penelope Bunce, so I get dressed and I gather my stuff. When I go back to the sitting room, Simon is still crying on Baz’s shoulder and Penny is patting his back. I have to leave.

I apologise profusely. Again. This time it’s Simon assuring me it’s fine to go. I don’t want them to think I don’t care. I don’t want them to think I’m shoving them aside to be with my Normal friends. Just because I’ve been out of their lives for almost a year doesn’t mean I don’t care.

I really hope they get that.

 

***

 

When I’m riding the Bakerloo line to Trafalgar Square, Lucy is on my mind. For so long, I thought of Lucy as a hopeless mage who ran away to seek new happiness.

But she left her son behind. What kind of mother does that?

Simon has missed his parents his entire life. He’s been so lonely without them. I remember our first year at Watford when he went home with me for Christmas. He was ecstatic. At first I thought it was just childish glee, but later I understood that it was the first time Simon celebrated Christmas. They do someting for the holidays in care homes, but it’s not the same.

For almost two years, I looked up to Lucy Salisbury. She’s my hero.

Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to get that she abandoned Simon.

I know you shouldn’t idolise ordinary people, because they’ll let you down in reality, but I really have the feeling something is wrong with the story. I know I don’t know Lucy personally, but she just doesn’t strike me as someone who abandoned a son she loves.

Something must’ve happened to Lucy Salisbury.

* * *

**PENELOPE**

Baz is fighting with his parents on the phone. He’s supposed to drive up north for Christmas, but he refuses to leave Simon. The Grimm-Pitches have warmed up to Simon. After all, it’s pretty clear that Simon is going to stick around. But when it comes to the Grimm-Pitches, family comes first and now, Baz is turning his back on family to be with Simon during Christmas.

At least he has a family to turn his back to.

I watch Simon and I realise I am wrong. Simon has me and Baz and Agatha. We’re practically family.

But Simon does not have a biological family. Or he did.

“I’ve walked alongside my father for years and he never said a word,” Simon mutters. He’s calmer now, but he’s still shaken. We’re having tea in the kitchen, but honestly, our tea has gone cold and Simon hasn’t eaten a biscuit yet.

I push the plate with biscuits towards Simon. He should eat something.

“He once asked me… Did I wonder about his wife and kids? Well, I did.” At this point, Simon is more talking to himself. “The thought of the Mage having a proper family was so unreal to me. The Mage, wife? Kids? And yet, here I am. He didn’t have a wife, so what happened to my mother?”

I say nothing. Instead, I listen to Baz fighting his dad.

After a few minutes of silence, Baz joins us in the kitchen. He looks tired. “I took care of it. My father is really upset, but he can stick it for now. I’ll drive up for New Year’s anyway.”

“You don’t have to avoid your family for me.”

“I would do anything for you, Simon,” Baz says and he means it. They’re so in love. “Besides, I much prefer your company over Mordelia’s. She’s been singing carols since November.”

“What are we going to do now?” I ask.

Baz doesn’t answer.

But Simon surprises me. “I am going to continue reading the book.”

Both Baz and I object. Simon’s been through enough. Can’t he have some peace and quiet?

“You don’t have to read it,” I remind him.

“Honestly, I can take it with me to my flat,” Baz suggests, “Then you don’t have to see it.”

But Simon shakes his head. “I know I don’t have to read it, but this is eating me up inside. I need answers. I need to know what happens to my mother. I need to know why they left me at the orphanage, even though they loved me. I need to know why the Mage never told me any of this when he was alive. If I don’t finish this now, then this feeling will continue eating me up inside. It’s almost Christmas. I don’t want this to ruin the mood.”

“You could get hurt,” Baz points out.

“I don’t know what’s like to not be in pain,” Simon says with ease and Baz and I exchange a worried look. Then Simon looks at Baz and smiles. “I mean, you tried to kill me every year, so.”

Baz rolls his eyes.

They’re so married, it’s overly sweet. 

Simon drinks his now-cold tea and he finally eats a biscuit. And another one. And then the entire plate is empty. “Wish me luck,” he says and he goes back to the sitting room. The journal is still there.

Baz and I sit in silence.

I think back on what I thought of. Simon does have family. He has us. And one day, Simon and I will go our separate ways. Simon might move in with Baz and Micah might come to England for me, or I might go to America for him. But even then, we will still be a family.

And he has my parents, and Agatha’s parents, and heck, even Baz’s parents. Even though the Mage and Lucy gave him away, he was never not loved. Maybe it took a while, but he is loved by so many of us.

Crowley, even Baz’s aunt Fiona adores him, but I suspect that’s mostly because Fiona is still convinced that Simon (and I) murdered the Mage. Then again, Fiona is a fun woman to be around, but don’t tell anyone I think so.

Baz and I are waiting for Simon. We are listening. The moment we think something’s wrong, we’ll be there for him.

* * *

**SIMON**

We were happy. My mother, my father, and I.

I flip another page.

> _We are stars. That’s what I keep telling Lucy. Lucy, Simon and I, we are stars. We’re going to change the world. Simon is going to change the world and Lucy and I will stand behind him as proud parents._
> 
> _Lucy has started talking to Simon. Of course Simon can’t say anything back. Lucy loves him so much, I’m almost afraid I don’t love him as much as she does. Yes, he’s my son, but he also has a mission in life. I hope Lucy won’t forget that._ _She walks around the cottage, holding Simon closely, and she says: “Simon, Simon, my rosebud boy.”_

I snap the book shut instantly. I know those words. For years, I’ve known those words. Natasha Grimm-Pitch said them.

Or so I thought.

I try to think about Natasha Grimm-Pitch. I’d seen her hovering outside my window. She gave me her finally message for Baz. But then she came back and I didn’t see her that time, but I remember her saying those exact words.

She also said  _“He told me we were stars.”_

Natasha Grimm-Pitch sounded different. Sadder.

But different.

_“My son, my son. My rosebud boy. I never would have left you. He told me we were stars.”_

My eyes start to water. I think I am finally realising what is going on. It’s as if my body already know the truth, but my mind tries to deny it. I try do dry my eyes, but tears start flowing.

Oh God.

I know what is going on.

_“Simon, Simon… my rosebud boy.”_

I’m sobbing again. I can hear Penny and Baz rushing from the kitchen. They are freaking out. They have no idea what is going on. They don’t know that I just figured out what happened to my mother.

My mother is dead.

 

***

 

I tell Penny and Baz what I know. After I calm down, I continue reading. Once again, Penny and Baz object. 

But I still need to know. 

She died and she came back to me, just like Baz’s mum came back to him. They both love us. They both came back to us.

How did she die? 

I find my answer quickly. The Mage’s entries are starting to change. My mother is starting to change. It’s as if all life and magic have been drained out of her. She’s tired. She’s basically dead already. 

The Mage blames himself for not noticing how much the pregnancy effected my mother. He loves me, but if he’d had known what the pregnancy would do to my mother, he wouldn’t have tried to have me. I don’t blame him.

There are dried tear stains on the paper. The Mage has been crying over his adoring Lucy slowly wilting away. He’s studying more than ever, but not about the revolution this time. He’s desperately trying to save my mother.

She dies a couple of weeks after my birth. My birth must’ve have weakened her too much. It’s my fault that she’s dead, but it also seems like it’s an easy sacrifice for her. She gives her life for mine.

The Mage feels an overbearing guilt. He decides to give me away. He’s convinced he’s not fit to be a father. After all, he never noticed how much the love of his life was hurting. Besides, according to the prophecy, I have to be found by him when the time’s ready, or whatever that means.

I should be mad. He is the reason I was alone for those first eleven years of my life. He is the reason I grew up without a family.

But I just feel empty.

And I miss my mother more than ever.

* * *

_3 months later_

* * *

**SIMON**

I’ve been back at Wartford before. It doesn’t hurt anymore. Agatha, on the other hand, is jitterish and I feel bad for putting her through this. She hasn’t been back since that one day where everything changed.

But Agatha insisted on coming. She’s standing on the lawn with her parents and Helen. Baz and his family are there as well, even though his father, stepmother and Fiona seem a bit out of place. They never cared for the Mage or the people around him. Next to them are the Bunces. Penny’s mum has been crying ever since she got here. After all, Lucy was her best friend.

Today, we’re holding an official ceremony for my mother. We’re doing it at Watford, on the Great Lawn close to the ancient yew trees, because according to Penny’s mum, Watford was Lucy’s favourite place in the entire world. Despite everything that has happened, I am inclined to agree with my mother.

There’s no body. I never found out what happened to her body. The Mage never wrote it down. The Mage never told anyone about my mother’s death or about me. He just told everyone that Lucy had run away from magic. That she’d run away from him. Then he hid me away, so that I could fullfill that bollocks prophecy.

It’s no burial. It’s just a goodbye. 

There are more people I don’t know. With the help of Penny and Agatha’s mums, we tracked down old friends and family. According to Agatha, Lady Salisbury initally refused to come, but her son (my uncle) told her the truth about my mother after he’d heard the story from Miss Wellbelove.

Aleister Crowley, I have an uncle. And a grandmother. I have a family. They don’t feel like family, but by blood, I am connected to them. I even have cousins, since my uncle married a lovely man and they have adopted a son and a daughter.

The ceremony starts. Some of my mother’s old school friends play music and Penny’s mum gives a speech. So does my uncle.

We end the ceremony by putting flowers on the lawn. Roses. Mine is nothing more than a rosebud.

Afterwards, Baz takes my hand and he squeezes it. Both our mothers can finally rest in peace.

I don’t know much about the Veil and the afterlife. Maybe I should’ve paid more attention during Magickal History, but I’d like to think that our mothers, Lucy Salisbury and Natasha Grimm-Pitch, are looking over us from wherever they are. I hope they can see how happy their sons are together.

Penny’s mum ends the ceremony by casting a spell on the roses and they all disappear into the ground, only to come back later. This part of the lawn is now a patch of roses in memory of my mother.

Baz wipes away my tears and he kisses my hand. Then, Penny takes my other hand and Agatha leaves her parents to stand by my side as well. The four of us watch the roses grow.

My mother.

She loved me so much.

And I love her.

**Author's Note:**

> ETA: Read here to know more about Simon's uncle, Lucy's brother Adam. Because I can. http://forabeatofadrum.tumblr.com/post/180252390798/re-simons-gay-uncle-from-my-fic-the
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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